Should We Write Our Own Vows?

absolute wedsite vows

Whether you’ll be marrying your fiance at a traditional church wedding in your hometown or you are planning a destination wedding in the Caribbean, you and your fiance will need to decide if you’ll be writing your own vows or opting for the traditional script. Some couples automatically know that they want to go one direction or the other, but for most, this decision is not an easy one to make. See below for some of the pros and cons of writing one’s own vows as well as some tips just in case you decide to do so.

wedding ringsPros of Writing Your Own Vows

  • Use personalized and modern language instead of the “cookie cutter” script.
  • Writing your own vows together can spur truly open conversations.
  • Your guests will be engaged with something new to hear.
  • Your fiance will remember your heartfelt words.

Cons of Writing Your Own Vows

  • Many religious figures (priests, rabbis, and other clergy) require approval.
  • Some feel non-traditional vows don’t properly present the holy covenant.
  • You’re more likely to mess up or forget what you were going to say.
  • You may offend traditionally-minded family or guests.

These are just a few of the pros and cons of writing your own vows. Ultimately, you and your fiance will have to decide yourselves whether or not getting creative with your vows is the right thing for your marriage. If you decide that writing your own vows is perfect for the two of you, keep the following tips in mind.

Four Tips For Writing Your Own Vows


Many couples write their own vows but keep them from one another until the ceremony. While we agree that leaving the exact words a surprise is a great way to go, we also recommend agreeing on a few things first, such as length and tone. It may be a strange ceremony if your vows include two short and silly sentences while your fiance wrote a novel-length profession of undying love.

Be Sincere

We don’t mean sincere as in telling the truth (which should be obvious); we mean sincere as in not trying to be someone you’re not. So, if you’re not the type of person who uses words like “cognizant” in daily conversation, then don’t use them in your vows.

Be Serious

It may be tempting to include every inside joke the two of you share in your vows, but remember that you’re not writing a blog or even a letter. You’re writing your vows, which means you need to include at least a few actual vows in there; these are the promises you vow to keep during your lives together and are the most important part of what you’ll say.

Memorize & Practice

You don’t want to read your vows to a notecard; you want to be able to look your fiance in the eyes, so memorize your speech (however, backup notecards are always okay). It’s also a good idea to practice aloud, even if there’s nobody listening. Trust us, this will help with the nerves.

We hope your big day is everything you dream of! If you’re considering a destination wedding, contact Absolute Wedsite today. We specialize in destination weddings.